


Murder Sporks (How Pyotr became friends with Harley)

by ShiningEve



Series: Pyotr Romanov Barnes' improbable lifestyle. [3]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: I decided that Pyotr needed a spork so I gave him one, Murder Sporks, Pepper Potts being responsible, don't ask why, dont judge me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26361802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiningEve/pseuds/ShiningEve
Summary: Pyotr was forced off of his binge by one of Pepper's health protocols, so he needs something to do.He finds his way into the lab, where he sees Shuri and meets a kid from Tenessee.Alternately called How Pyotr Discovered Sporks And Their Great Potential As Murder Weapons.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Shuri & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Pyotr Romanov Barnes' improbable lifestyle. [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610644
Comments: 11
Kudos: 259





	Murder Sporks (How Pyotr became friends with Harley)

_ Two months, three weeks, four days, eleven hours, and twenty four seconds. _

That was how long since Pyotr had come out of cryofreeze, completely free from HYDRA. 

And what was he doing to celebrate this?

Nothing. Well, unless you count being an absolute lazy ass as something. He was sitting on the couch scrolling aimlessly through the seemingly endless list of cartoons on the TV. 

Sam came up behind him and flung himself over the backrest to land uncomfortably on the plush pillows. “Watch Avatar: The Last Airbender. When I watched it with Clint, he started crying when he finished it.” 

Giving Sam a deadpan look that said  _ you expect me to cry?  _ And clicked on the show. As the opening mantra filled the room, he sunk further into the blankets. 

  
  


Four hours later, and 10 episodes into the show, Pyotr was totally engrossed. He didn’t notice when Clint came up and squished onto the couch to watch with them. They finished episode eleven, but were stopped from continuing when the TV shut off. Pyotr threw up his hands.

“Что, черт возьми, случилось?” (What the hell happened?”)

_ Due to the protocol ‘Be Productive’ created by Ms. Potts, no one is allowed to watch TV for more than four hours straight.  _ Said FRIDAY.

“How long do we have to wait until we can continue our binge?” Clint asked, trying to hide his tears.

_ Two hours, Mr. Hawkass _

“Ok- WAIT! Who told you to call me that?”

_ Boss did, Mr. Hawkass. _

  
  
  
  


Pyotr pulled on a pair of clean sweats and a tank top, before heading down to the lab to do something until he could go back to his show. As he punched in his access code and kicked off his slippers, he heard voices, unfamiliar ones.

He slipped into a defensive position. 

“Who’s there?” he asked. The voices stopped, and a mop of blonde hair poked around the corner.

“It’s just us, old ma- THE FUCK? Who are you?” the kid screeched. 

Pyotr didn’t trust the kid, so he pulled out a knife. The kid continued to screech.

“FRIDAY! Intruder Alert!”

A second person popped up, a teenage girl who just waved at Pyotr.

“Yoooo! You’re here! Spider Boy!” She jumped at Pyotr, who put away his knife and grabbed Shuri. She scrambled around until she was hanging onto his back like an octopus.

“Harley, this is Pyotr, he’s the kid I was telling you about, Barnes’ and Romanoff’s kid.” She then tapped Pyotr on the head excessively. “Pyotr, this is Harley. He’s like Stark’s illegitimate child, but neither admits they care for each other. “

“We-” Harley tried, but ultimately sighed and slouched onto the couch. “Sooo. Peter, was it? What are you even doing down here?”

Pyotr pulled out his knife. “I wanted to sharpen my favorite knife.” 

Harley looked a bit spooked, but nodded mutely. 

Shuri tapped Pyotr’s shoulder rapidly. “PyotrPyotrPyotrPyotr.”

“ShuriShuriShuriShuri?”

“What if we made the knife poisonous?” 

“How?”

Harley sputtered. “Wait. Shuri. You’re helping the child of the  _ Winter Soldier  _ and the  _ Black Widow  _ make his knife poisonous. You realize he’s probably dangerous enough as it is?”

Shuri smirked from her vantage point on Pyotr’s back. “If you can make a knife more dangerous, why not?”

Harley groaned and rolled over. “I’m keeping my arguments about sporks standing.” he muttered.

“Sporks?” Pyotr questioned. “What is a spork?”

Harley gasped. “You uncultured swine. Come with me. Right now. I am getting you your own spork.”

  
  


Two hours later, Pyotr, Shuri, and Harley were equipping a metal spork with sharp serrated edges. Pyotr pulled out a knife casing and refitted it for the spork. Sliding it into the holder, he put it in his weapons caddy. He high-fived Harley and kissed Shuri on the cheek.

“My show should be back on. See both of you later?” he asked. 

They both nodded, and he exited the Lab, heading back up to the common room and continuing his Avatar binge. A few minutes later, Shuri and Harley joined the growing group of Avengers squished on the couch.

  
  


The next morning, Pyotr woke up and headed to the kitchen for breakfast. He sat next to Steve and his Mom. As he took a bite of his toast, Tony came running out of the elevator.

“Pyotr!” he screeched. 

“Yeah?”

_ “Why is there a sharpened spork in your weapons caddy?” _

Pyotr turned to Tony. “It’s my murder spork.” He downed the rest of his orange juice and brushed past a shell-shocked Tony, laughing silently at the look on his face.

  
  
_ “Murder… Spork?” _

**Author's Note:**

> Another in the series! Hope you all like it. If you have any suggestions for other works in this series feel free to psot it in the comments on this work or the main work of this series.  
> Until next chapter,  
> XOXO  
> ShiningEve


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